Saturday, January 15, 2011

This is the Post I Have Been Dreading

According to my blog I am supposed to be posting the end of the summer pictures. You know the time of year when you are tan and starting to think about a new school year, UA football and Elizabeth and Thomas' third birthday. Unfortunately, the luau themed 3rd birthday bash was put on the back burner as we mourned a miscarriage. I know this happens to wonderful women everyday and it is God's way of telling us something was just not right - but you know what - it is still miserable, unfortunate, devastating, disappointing, life-changing, unbelievable, horrible, overwhelming, shocking, upsetting, disheartening and flat out not good. God blessed me with a great husband, beautiful children and I realize I am so lucky to have Tom, Elizabeth, Thomas and John William. But looking at them was / is a constant reminder there is not another amazing tiny creature growing in my belly. I am blessed to have a compassionate family that understand and completely took over watching the kiddos for awhile, while I tried to heal my body and my broken heart. Tom actually took Thomas to the lake for a few days with the Whitfields - a family trip we were planning all summer. Thanks to Andy, Lauren and little Beau - they successfully managed to keep both Toms entertained and safe all weekend! We were grateful Mom and Dad rushed to Atlanta to be with us and quickly scooped up Elizabeth and John William for some time in Birmingham; I did not want our children to see me so devastated. I find slight comfort knowing others have lived through this, and that gives me hope because I now completely understand their hurt and pain. Finding the "good" in this situation is difficult and I have a much greater appreciate for the little things and really life in general. The love, joy, excitement, energy and pure bliss I have for Elizabeth, Thomas and John William is multipled daily and I love watching them interact but most of all their random tight hugs, sloppy wet kisses and curious eyes melt my heart and ensure me no matter what, the sun will rise again tomorrow; I am surround by love. For those of you that have experienced a loss, find comfort knowing I pray for you daily. If you have any suggestions on moving forward, I am eager to hear your wisdom.

2 comments:

Jana said...

Christina, I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you.

Maggie Pelton said...

Christina, I'm so sorry that your sweet baby died. It's so hard and I hate that you've had to experience it. I'm so thankful you all had the wisdom to get some time alone to start the healing proces. My advice, keep everything that will remind you of this little one in the future so you can go back on the due date and loss date and grieve. I also read a book called Shattered Dreams and it really helped me. You will always have another sweet baby in heaven, safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for you!